Luckily for me (as I really wasn't prepared for a war), the battle was destined for others:
Mehmed vs Brennus. Hmmm, they're close neighbours so maybe this won't be a phoney war. You can see Brennus' territory here, enclosed by the Great Wall, that's Mehmed's culture to the east of Vienne. I'd be quite happy for them to fight each other to a standstill for years to come. It doesn't quite happen like that. The war is declared in 575BC and Mehmed takes Vienne in 550BC. Guess Brennus has been preparing for war as badly as I have. Things settle down after that, and a war of attrition begins with nothing but skirmishes for a long time. In 500BC, the Temple of Artemis was built in a far away land. Same year, I get a request from Mehmed to help him in the war against Brennus. I refuse, as I don't want to get involved. In 475BC, I get the same request from Brennus. I definitely turn him down! In 350BC, Pliny reports what I suspected. I'm not a very powerful player in world terms:
In the same year, Alphabet comes in. I check the foreign relations screen to see what techs I can trade. I must say, I really like the new layout of this:
I make a few trades in 375BC and 350BC:
| Mansa - Give Meditation for Archery |
| Brennus - Give Priesthood, Agriculture for Masonry |
| Asoka - Give Meditation, Agriculture for Animal Husbandry |
| Gilgamesh - Give Meditation, Priesthood for Sailing |
| Mansa - Agriculture for Fishing |
In 200BC, I finally remember (500 years after I find it) to hook up my iron at Hamburg. Yep, I'm that good at this game 
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I found Frankfurt in the south, on the border with Justinian and Churchill. It's an aggressive location to claim another source of iron.
This is where it goes:
Here are the demographics from this time:
First in GNP, nice to see. Last in manufacturing output, not so nice. My population is quite low. This is due to my reliance on the whip! Everything gets whipped when whip anger has worn off. Life expectancy is 68, which I find very hard to believe. I've read that 50 in both approval rate and life expectancy is around optimal. Last in soldiers, gotta sort that out soon. The first war has already happened, and it won't be long until someone decides that I'm too weak to keep what I have. Funnily enough, it was only a few turns later in 125BC that Justinian declares war on me. He's to my south and has to push through either me or Churchill to expand. Obviously I looked the easier target, and I'm sure my positioning of Frankfurt annoyed him.
The war is largely defensive on my part. I don't have either the forces to advance, nor the funds to really support more cities even if I do go forward. Fortunately, Justinian doesn't have huge forces available either, so losses were low on both sides (though lower on mine as I just turtled up in my cities).
1AD rolls around. Christianity doesn't get founed, but I get a great Christmas present 
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Metal Casting comes in and I can build cheap forges! They get queued all over the place, and I even whip them in cities with whip anger.
The bonus happiness from the forge/gems/silver beat the extra unhappiness caused by the double whip in my mind. After all, I can't be expected to wait 15+ turns for my forges
I pop a Great Prophet and use him to build the Kong Maio in Munich. In 100AD, Mehmed requests that I declare war on Brennus.
Mehmed looks pretty powerful to me, Brennus is a bit of a wimp now, so I agree. I also switch to Buddhism, which has spread to me, in order to further weasel my way into Mehmed's good books!
I don't actually intend to do anything in the war, beyond get the "mutual struggle" bonus with Mehmed.
I get Aesthetics and see I have a monopoly on it. It allows me to build two wonders which look pretty useful - The Statue of Zeus and the Shwedagon Paya.
Two new ones that I know nothing about. I start building both.
As if two wars I don't want to really do any fighting in isn't enough, by 500AD Mansa has declared on me from the north.
Now this is more serious!
I have little more than a token force in the north and Gao is quite close to Hamburg.
I send what little defenders I have in Cologne and Berlin to the front line of Hamburg, leaving both cities undefended (and their population annoyed - though another crack of the whip makes less of an issue).
In 520AD, I build the Statue of Zeus. +100% war weariness to anyone fighting me.
I know the computer gets huge bonuses on that front, so not sure how much that will affect them.
I also know I can't check the unhappiness in an enemy city. I just have to trust it does something
In 580AD I build the Shwedagon Paya, which gives me access to all religious civics. I don't change just yet, as I can't afford the anarchy with all the wars. By 680AD, I agree peace with Justinian. He even throws Polytheism into the deal! I also agree peace with Brennus, though he doesn't have anything to give me. I feel a bit better being able to shift the southern army up north to face Mansa. Mansa moves a rather dangerous force against me (2xCatapult, 1xSword, 1xAxe, 3xSpear) which is repelled, but not without suffering some casualties.
Life expectancy and approval rate are both at 56, which is good. My armed forces are bigger. I've fallen behind in a few categories, mainly because of this war. I guess that it's Churchill that's top in GNP. I still hold the most land which is a good sign. In 760AD, there's a barbarian rising (5xAxemen) near Berlin that diverts my attention from the front for a while. In 780AD, I bring in the Museum of Maussollos, which is another new wonder which gives me +50% length of golden ages. That could be quite useful!
820AD, Toynbee's great work shows that I'm the largest civilization - yay! Another stack from Mansa comes forward. I don't have enough to march out and fight it, have to stay fortified to keep my bonuses:
Mansa attacks with that stack. He loses 2 cats, a sword and an axe. I lose just the one axe. I counterattack his newly reinforced stack with my new catapult and I manage to do damage and withdraw. I've heard that happens more often in this patch. I kill a catapult and an axe. Mansa attacks me next turn. I kill a cat and 2 swords , lose 2 swords and an axe. Health is a problem around the empire, so aqueducts are whipped in. I also trade Aesthetics to Mehmed for Monarchy. I change over to Heredity Rule and Free Religion. Trade Metal Casting and Aesthetics to Gilgamesh for Feudalism, Monotheism and 50G. Justinian war decs Brennus. Wonder which one will ask me for help first. In 920AD, I get currency! Immediately sell Code of Laws to Justinian for 210G. Hamburg gets more reinforcing, and in one round Mansa loses 2 Cats, 3 Axe and 3 sword for no losses! Surely war weariness is hitting him?
I build a spy, but I'm not sure how to use it. I just send him into Mansa's territory to look around. In 1050AD, Mansa has a scary stack coming towards me. Gao is only defended by 2xSkirmisher and an axe. I'll get there soon. I revolt into vassalage for the +2 experience. Collossus gets built somewhere in 1060AD, is this late? In the battle of Hamburg in 1060AD, I kill 7 cats, two swords, a spear and an Elephant, I lose 2 swords and a spear. I take a turn or two to heal, then march north towards Gao. On my way, Gilgamesh (who's in the North East) war decs Mehmed (his neighbour) and Justinian (in the far south west). This is a fairly agressive group of civilizations all told, apart from Asoka and Churchill of course. In 1090, Drama comes in and I can have a proper culture battle in Frankfurt against Churchill's Nottingham. 1100AD, I get another Great Prophet. I launch a golden age to ramp up production as my stack arrives at Gao. I take time to bomb the defenses to zero before launching my attack in 1120AD:
I had just attacked with 5 catapults, two were able to withdraw. My stack attacks and takes Gao without a problem. The whole battle gives me another Great General, this one merges into Hamburg as well. 1130AD, sell my monopoly in drama.
| Mehmed - Get Literature + 130G for drama |
| Justinian - Get 80G for drama |
| Gilgamesh - Get 100G for drama |
| Asoka - Get 50G + Machinery (only had 1 turn left) for drama |
Still haven't seen the Liberalism message yet. Could go for that soon. In the meantime I get music and have a monopoly on it (since I sold drama to just about everyone). In 1180AD I see an Apostolic Vote. What the hell is this? It was something that didn't really affect me, so can't remember what the vote was. However, I only get 2 votes in it (others getting nearly 100). Whatever this is, I need to get more votes in it. Asoka gets the Sistine Chapel, which displeases me. It's a favorite wonder for me, I've just been way too busy with the war to get around to it.
Sell Music around the place in 1220AD. From different people, I get Compass+50G, 90G, 90G, 110G, 40G. That'll fund deficit research for a while. Churchill gets Notre Dame, another one I like. I'm too busy at the minute, but I don't intend to just let Asoka and Churchill tech their way to space!
The Apostolic Palace calls a vote against my war with Mansa. I vote no, that I want to keep the war going. But there's enough votes for the motion that it's carried. I really need to get votes in it. Turns out that I need to have Hindu as one of my religions to vote, I only have Gao as a Hindu city. It builds a monastry and starts churning out missionaries to convert my populace. As the war ends, we go to a period of peace for me.
Number of self confessed 2's so far = Hmmm, was too busy with the war to pay attention to getting 2s this time